Well. I’ve been sober for ten days. I’m pretty proud of what I’ve accomplished so far. I haven’t hid in my house and stayed away from all temptation. I don’t wanna live like that. So instead I’ve forced myself to be in situations where I’m surrounded by alcohol. Surrounded by the temptation. But so far, I have been successful in resisting it. And I feel good. But tonight. I don’t know exactly what’s wrong. I just feel off. Like if I’m on the verge of an “episode” as I like to call them. I feel somber. And alone. Even though I’m actually not alone. I still feel that void of emptiness inside. And it’s always the nighttime that it seems to appear the strongest. Especially since I don’t sleep much. Sometimes, this life, it seems so easy. So simple. And then I realize I’m just fooling myself. Because really, this life is hard. And tonight, I can’t seem to fool myself.
October 4, 2011