Numb is the place where there is the absence of feeling. The absence of all emotion. While there is no love and no happiness. There is also no pain and no doubt. It is the end of sadness and debilitating despair. Emptiness ceases. Most people do not like the feeling of being numb. Because you just feel….well, nothing. But sometimes I want to be numb. I embrace it. And people don’t understand that. They can never understand that. Because essentially in those moments you are just a shell of yourself. You are shut off from the essence of life because you are out of tune with the rest of the world. But what I find in those moments that most never can, is escape. An escape from the endless thoughts that swirl through my brain. Escape from the raging emotions that course through me. The anger stops. The pain stops. The emptiness in my core, it stops. For that one moment, I can breathe. Being numb is not for everyone. I get that. But try to understand this, a reprieve from feeling everything is sometimes as good as it gets for me. Take me there.
June 8, 2012