rubber duckies.

Weird title for my post, I know.  But I assure you it will be explained.  I have a softball game tonight.  Yayy!  I know I’ve written before about how much softball is an “escape” for me, but it amazes me how much more I fall in love with it everytime I step onto the field.  I’m not a professional.  It’s not like I am getting paid for this stuff.  But it’s a place where my mind can just escape for an hour or so.  There’s no room for depression or anxiety on the softball field.  Beer, check.  Laughing, check.  Mopiness, not allowed.  I guess it helps that I also love the teams I’m on.  I am on an all-women’s team that plays on Monday night.  And then I play on a coed team that plays on Thursday nights.  Coed team name?  You would never be able to guess.  We are the…..Rubber Duckies!  Ahh I love it!  And we have bright yellow uniforms with a duck face on the front and a little tail on the back.  Doesn’t really sound too cool as I’m typing it out, but I assure you, it’s awesome.  Everyone always comments on how much they love our uni’s at the fields.  And apparently a visitor from Cali saw us playing one night and loved our team so much that he went back and changed his team name to “Duckies” and got similar shirts.  Or so I was told by the man at the snack bar.  We should probably copyright ourselves.  But that sounds like way too much work for a slowpitch softball team. 

Now my teammates, I love them.  I would probably be lost without them.  Seriously.  They pretty much include the truest friends I have and the ones that I have known since high school.  Cindy (I call her “Cinnabun”, immature yes but it has been that way for 14 years so gimme a break there), has been the best friend I’ve ever had.  We have been through our good and bad times, but have survived them all.  Together.  And she has stood by me and defended me when no one else has.  She is the one person in my life that I actually do, at least as much as I possibly can, trust to always be there.  Because she has always been there and never left.  She has seen me at my worst, but always been my voice of reason.  She grounds me.  JoJo is pretty much the same way.  And she is protective of me in a way that I need in my life.  Now the guys I have only known for the past three years, but they’re pretty great too.  I have not opened up to them about the struggles in my life, and I continue to hide my scars from them, but they provide balance in my life.  It’s nice to be surrounded by people who don’t know that “dark side” of me.  It’s kind of freeing in a way.  They don’t ask me about my meds or “how I’m feeling”.  They do not express concern at everything I do.  Don’t get me wrong, I do need people who do those things in my life, but I also need those that are oblivious and just enjoy me for me.  Because I really am more than just a disorder.  So I guess with all this analyzation I can determine that it is not just softball that is my escape.  It is the environment that it provides.  These people force me to smile even when that is the last thing I want to do.  And with their constant joking and crazy ways, I find that my smile eventually becomes genuine.  They bring me back to reality in the best ways.  Back to that good place where I always want to be.   Go Rubber Duckies! Squeak squeak! 🙂


2 responses to “rubber duckies.

  • Mandi

    I love this! I LOVE that you can get out and even if it’s for a little while… feel normal. Ya, Rubber Duckies is kinda hard to see as “cool”, but the idea is awesome! I think you need to take a picture of the uniforms and post it. Cross that, you NEED to take a picture and post it. 🙂

    Sorry I’ve been absent lately. Therapy and everything else that’s going on has kinda taken me out. I’m so far behind on blogs it’s not even funny. (I don’t get that term now that I’m thinking about it. It wouldn’t be funny period. We have a lot of weird phrases. I wonder if they say that in the UK, or if their whatever you call them besides phrases make more sense) Anyway, I’ll try to stay more up to date!! I’ve been thinking about you, been feeling guilty for not catching up.

    Luv you L!

  • onelove312

    Thanks Mandi 🙂 I love anything that can make me feel normal as well. I’m also making new friends through softball and that’s an awesome thing too. Of course, they don’t know everything either. But I actually like people who don’t know that “dark side” of me because I like being known for me as a person, not just everything that’s wrong with me. They make me feel normal. And it’s nice.

    I will definitely post a picture of the duckie uniforms (great idea!). I’m going to post some pics of my godson and stuff too just so people can visualize what I’m talking about. Plus it gives a better view of my life which I think is a good step for my blog 🙂 At least I hope ha.

    I’m sorry you’ve been going through a lot. I actually have been pretty concerned about you since I haven’t heard from you in a while. I thought maybe I had done something to upset you (that’s the borderline talking of course). But I hope you know I’m always here for you. I understand the times that you kind of just want to stay to yourself, I have those moments a lot. But anytime you do feel like talking, about anything or everything, I’m always here for you.

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