I sit here at my desk at work day after day. My own little 6×6 cubicle that feels like a prison some days. I realize the monotony of my daytime life blows. My job is so mind-numbing that sometimes I am over it before I even walk in the door. Actually that’s pretty much every day. Every single one. Then there’s the people I work with. Ugh. Most days they make me feel like I am back in high school. In those days where I was picked on for nothing at all. The people at work tell me that I’m too “sensitive”. They tend to rag on me because they will see me writing stuff at my desk. I have always turned to writing and music as an escape for me. I love quotes and lyrics. They make fun of me for everything I write. Of course they don’t know about this blog. They think that I am writing a book. Ha. They continuously ask me what I’m writing about. They make fun of me for the “quotes” that I have up at my desk. One of them makes fun of me for the scars on my arm. I don’t say anything back. I hate confrontation. I don’t like letting them know how much what they are doing bothers me. Affects me. And every morning when I wake up, I know that I have to do it all over again. I have tried to take this responsible path in life. To maintain a steady job. To own a house that I can call mine. To support myself without the help of others. Maybe this is just the price of all of that. But it takes a constant energy to not let everything that they say get to me. They have no idea how much words and a negative environment can affect me. No idea. Or maybe they do and just don’t care. I think if I ever were to tell them they would just laugh and again say that I need to “toughen up”. I mean, they have seen the scars on my arm. They know my story. They don’t care. I need to find something different to do with my life. I needed to find it, like, yesterday.
January 9, 2013
on the daily.